Hey Guys!

Here's the deal... I've decided to close this xanga site down.  I'm going to write this last entry and then it's over.  My new xanga of course is www.xanga.com/ErwinASUfreshman . 

I'm letting go of everything that happened in high school.  All the bad experiences and some of the good.  It's time to move on, time to let myself become the person I was meant to be.

That means letting go of someone that I still love and care for deeply, but who has hurt me so much and I have hurt equally.  This "game" we've been playing is retarded and is continuing to lead us no where.  It's time to grow up, time to find people better suited for us.  No sense in holding on to something that was probably never meant to be in the beginning.

Yet again I find myself apologizing for hurting you continually.  You won't give up though and you still call every once in a while.  Sometimes when my world is falling apart I still don't call you. It's not your job anymore, not your place.  I won't pick up the phone after tonight, I can't stand pretending that I don't care anymore.  It's over and you've found someone new.. call them and be happy.  Let yourself be happy, that's why i treated you like shit and lied to you in the first place, so you would move on, you would find happiness.  Don't expect me to be happy for you and don't expect me to talk to you though.  I can't do that anymore and I'd hate to ruin what you have. It's always going to hurt and the temptation to go back to the way things were will be there, but it's not right.. people fight that feeling everyday, but that doesn't mean it was meant to be.  Something happened that was out of God's plan.. he made these feelings for a reason, to hold marriages together I suppose. Go ahead, go "torture" ;) someone else.. Just remember to keep work outs to a minimum...

There were alot of hard feelings towards a few people from white hall.. Hopefully I will move past those, so I won't be complaining about the same people 5 years from now when I haven't seen them in 6.  I'm forgetting stupid arguments and all the hurtful remarks. I'm sorry though, I will remember the funny comments and the mean things that I did.  So if Brantley ever wants to bring up stories of English class or the day I laughed at the cabinets, then you know my number, let's go.

This is the time to be strong, to make a difference, and be beautiful. Leaving all my insecurities and dirty laundry here in White Hall. Ready to open up those musty books and pull out my highlights and take some notes.  Ready to open my mind and read some books.  If you want to hear about my new crazy life read my xanga, but if you are going to criticize me for my choices/lifestyle, don't bother.  I don't want close minded people reading about my life!

I really have nothing more to say.  That's what ruled my whole high school experience.. One relationship.  I'll always remember it with a smile..

PUT AN -X- TO THINGS YOU RELATE TO!

()   I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
(X) I have a cell phone.
(X)   I have friends that use me.
()   I am an only child.
(X)   I am a shopoholic.
()   I like dangly earrings.
(X) I love cold weather.
(X)    I'm obsessed with the computer.
() I have shot a gun before.
(X)    I have no tolerance of ignorant people.
()    I have ridden on a motorcycle before.
()    I'll be in this town forever.
()    I've been to 5 other countries.
()    I was born in another country.
(X)    I get annoyed easily.
(X) I eventually want kids.
()    I have neat handwriting.
(X) I have more than a few horrible memories.
()    I am addicted to chocolate.
()    I love to draw.
(X) I love airplane rides.
()    I love taking pictures.
(X) I dislike people who are fake.
(X)    I can be mean when someone is mean to me.
()    My parents care about my grades.
()     I have way too many wallets/purses.
()     I'm obsessed with looking perfect.
()     I would never eat raw fish.
(X)  I cry easily.
()     I hate when people are late.
(X)  I procrastinate.
()     I love biting.
()  I have too many clothes for my closet/dresser.
(X)  I love to sleep.
(X)     I wish I were smarter.
()     I'm afraid of flying.
(X)  I hate dramatic situations.
(X)     I bite my nails.
(X)   I have been on an 8 hour drive.
()     I never fight with my parents.
()   I love the beach.
(X)     Been skinny dipping
()     I have never had the chicken pox.
(X)     I have gone out in public in my pajamas.
()     I can't control my emotions.
(X sorta...)  I have moved more than once.
(X)   I truly love my friends.
()   I have/had braces.
(X)      I have never broken a bone.
(X)      I hate my computer.
(X)      I'm in love with someone.
()     I love to dance.
()   I love to sing.
()      I love cleaning my room.
(X)      I tend to get jealous very easily.
()   I love night better than day.
()   I don't like to study for tests.
(X)  I have been on the phone for over 5 hours.
(X)    I am too forgiving.
(X)    I have horrible sense of direction.
()      I miss elementary school.
()    I love kisses on my forehead.
(X)      I love the colors pink and green.
(X)      I love to sew.
(X)     My eye color changes.
(tried this.. didn't help)      I should see a therapist.
(X)    I played on a sports team.
(X)    I become stressed easily.
(X)      I hate liars.
(X)   I like comfy sweatpants.
()      I can play the piano.
(X)    I love the smell of rain.
(X)    I love my family.
()      I hate needles.
(X sometimes)       I am a perfectionist.
(X)    I always wanted to learn to play the DRUMS and/or guitar.
(X)    I hate the feeling of failure.
()    I have friends in other countries.
(X)    I know how to cook.
(X)    I can be quite selfish.
(X)      At times, I still act like a little kid.
()       I have food allergies.
()    I love little kids.
(X)    I love music.
()    I wish I were more motivated for school.
(X)    I love getting stuff in the mail.
(X)       I have problems with letting go of old feelings.
()       I love being alone.
(X)    I love summer.
(X)    I love the weekends.
()       I love black eyeliner.
(X)    I think I'm weird.
()      Sometimes, I type with one hand.
()      I wear make-up.
()   I have never ridden on an underground subway.
()      I can't swim.
(X)   I have bad memories.
()   I go to church.
(X)      I sing in the shower.
()      I have never been camping.
()      I hate cheerleaders.
(X)      I don't usually get what I want.
(X)   I have been on stage before.
()   I love roller coasters.
()  No one knows the full story of my life